


Back to the Start

by thestanliestofstans



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25019926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestanliestofstans/pseuds/thestanliestofstans
Summary: You are a new member of the BAU but little did you know that your childhood friend, Spencer Reid, is also on the team. What could go wrong?*This is canon and for the purposes of this story, this is before Maeve and Maeve never happened (and will not happen in this story). Also, the characters in this story are from the dream team lol.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 25
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This chapter is told in your POV. I hope you enjoy reading this, I haven't written a fanfic in a long time so please be kind!

Sitting in silence has never been my forte. I get uncomfortable with the possibilities of what that silence could bring. So when I’m waiting for my brand new boss to give any sort of instructions, I have to break the silence that’s been looming over us for the last few seconds. 

“So when do I start?” I asked. Agent Hotchner smiled, satisfied that I asked the correct question. 

“Right now. We’ve got a case in Louisville. Before each case we brief in the conference room. Let’s head over there and get you introduced to the team.”

“Thank you, Agent Hotchner.”

He stood and extended his hand, “Please call me Hotch. Welcome to the team, Y/N.”

I thanked him and followed him out into the hallway. We went into a room with a few big screens on the wall. There was already a woman in there, setting up case files and iPads in front of the seats and fiddling with a remote. She was wearing a bright yellow dress with a blue cardigan and a matching sequined headband. Her equally bright lips smiled when she saw us come in.

“Oh! You must be the newbie!” she put down the remote and shuffled over to me, almost standing too close. “Hi, I’m Penelope, you’ll be working with me in the batcave!” She clasped my hands in hers as if I had some precious gemstones to give to her as an offering. 

I couldn't help but smile, “Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N, it’s nice to meet you.”

Penelope smiled, gave me a friendly once over, and complimented my outfit. I’d been wearing a navy suit with a light blue blouse underneath. I love colors and I could tell Penelope does too. Although I tend to go the monochrome route with my fashion. 

“So have you met everyone else yet?” she asked.

“Nope, just you and Ag--uh, Hotch so far.” I looked over at the intimidating man who’d been silently sitting at the table, reading over the file in front of him. It was hard to imagine the two of them, Penelope and Hotch, interacting as they’re such opposites from what I could tell. 

I sat down at the end of the table away from the door. I was too distracted by sitting down and reading the file in front of me to pay much attention to the group of people that just walked into the room. I wanted to make sure my first case went well and that I impressed. Might as well get into it quickly so I’m armed with as much information as possible. 

As I’m reading over the gory details, I hear people sitting down around me and then a stop at the door. 

“Y/N?”

It was an unfamiliar voice, but the way my name was said sounded almost like…

I turned around. Oh my god, I couldn't believe it. 

“Spencer?”  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told in Spencer's POV.

It was just like any other day. I woke up, got ready for work, took the train, rode up the elevator, and chatted with Morgan and JJ for a few minutes before our morning briefing. 

“I heard we’ve got a new member to the team this morning,” Morgan stated, biting into an apple. 

Sitting in my chair, I turned over to him, confused. I had no idea we had someone new joining us. 

“We do?” 

JJ chuckled, “Yeah, Spence. Weren’t you paying attention on the ride home last week? They’re going to be helping Garcia with the tech side of things since she always has like 30 things to do during cases and in-between cases, plus my old job.”

I nodded, ignoring the likely inaccurate number that JJ said. “Makes sense. Garcia does seem to need help. Glad she’s finally going to have it. Do we know who it is yet?”

“Not yet. But I saw a pretty lady walk into Hotch’s office about 20 minutes ago. She looks young like you, Pretty Boy,” Morgan laughed. 

Ugh. “I’m not that young anymore, Morgan. It’s been years since I’ve been on this team, you know. Statistically speaking, my age group is more-”

“Sorry, Pretty Boy. Looks like we’re moving to the briefing room now,” Morgan laughed as he stood and made his way over. 

JJ patted my back as we walked over, “Don’t worry, Spence. Being young is a good thing.”

I gave her half a smile. JJ headed into the briefing room and I followed. Once inside, I spotted the new girl at the end of the table. She was reading the case file right in front of her so I couldn't see her face fully yet. 

Someone laughed and she put her file down a little. Enough that I could see her face. She looked so familiar. My brain ran through all the possibilities of where I could know her from. Seconds later, I realized who she was.

“Y/N?”

Everyone turned over to look at me, surprised. I couldn't help but stare at her. It had been so long, and she was older now. 

She was beautiful, if not equally shocked to see me there. Her Y/H/C hair perfectly framed her Y/S/C face and her eyes were exactly the same as I remembered. Piercing yet soft. She gave a slight smile and our trance was broken when Rossi cleared his throat. 

She blushed and turned back towards the table. I went over and sat in the last empty chair at the other end of the table, as I tried not to stare at her. 

“This is Y/N Y/L/N, she’ll be assisting Garcia with the tech side of our caseload by being out on the field with us,” Hotch said. He went around and introduced everyone, except me because right when he was going to say my name, Emily spoke up. 

“So how do you know Reid?” she asked. I looked over and she had a slight smirk on her face. 

Y/N looked over at me, unsure of how much information I was comfortable sharing with them. This was ridiculous considering she'd just met them, so if anyone should be concerned, it should be her. She was still just as considerate as she’d always been. 

I spoke up, “We’re childhood friends. We grew up together.” I kept it short and sweet in case she didn't want to share. 

A look of surprise passed through the room. Y/N blushed. 

Morgan chuckled, “I definitely want to hear more about that on the jet.” I looked over at Y/N again and she gave me an awkward quick smile before Penelope began the debriefing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told in your POV.

On the jet, the team couldn't stop looking at Spencer and me. It took about five minutes of them looking back and forth before I couldn't take it anymore. 

I took a deep breath. “Alright. What do you want to know?” I asked. Emily and JJ instantly sat up, Morgan cracked a smile, while Rossi and Hotch shook their heads in amusement. JJ even pulled up Penelope on the computer to get in on the action. Spencer, however, looked a little scared. 

“How old were you when you two met?” Emily asked, scooting closer in her seat. I was sitting directly across from her and JJ. Their eyes had gone huge. 

I looked over at Spencer to see if it was okay to answer. He nodded. 

“Um, I was about 3 I think, and he was probably 5 years old,” I said. 

Everyone was surprised and Penelope squealed in delight over the computer. 

“Oh, you were babies! How cute!” she squeaked, “How did you two even meet each other?”

Surprisingly, Spencer spoke up across the aisle, “Our moms both taught at the local university in the same department. They were close friends.” 

“We grew up together until he went off to college at the ripe old age of 12 years old,” I finished. 

Spencer smiled at me while the rest of the jet laughed.

Keeping the mood light, Rossi asked, “So I bet you’ve got some stories about our little genius here, don’t you?”

Spencer’s mouth dropped and he instantly turned to me with comically wide eyes.

I started to laugh, “Well, of course I do, but I’m not sure if Spencer wants me to share about the Halloween where we accidentally got stuck in a haunted house.”

Spencer laughed, “Oh my god! I almost forgot about that. I can’t believe you remember that.”

“Well, I don’t need an eidetic memory to remember how you got so scared of the obviously fake mummy that you decided the best plan to beat it was to unravel it.”

“No way! That’s a story we NEED to hear!” Penelope shouted. 

Spencer stood, ready to defend himself, “Okay, okay. We had gone to a haunted house in my neighborhood. I was 11 and Y/N was 9. It was late and we decided that the house was going to be our last stop. We get there and it was terrifying, so terrifying that we couldn’t even think straight at the time.”

I shook my head, remembering it like it was yesterday. Spencer was dressed like Albert Einstein and I was an astronaut, ever the nerds. I wanted to go home, but Spencer was so excited to check out this haunted house that we’d heard about from school. Of course, I followed him. I was younger and had a bit of a crush on him back then so I’d do anything he’d asked me to do.

“Y/N didn’t want to go, but I convinced her that all the ‘cool’ kids at my school were going. Mind you, my school was a high school.”

Emily rolled her eyes. 

Spencer continued, “We get in there and a few monsters pop up and fake blood was on the walls. But it doesn’t get bad until this huge mummy pops up behind us and grabs Y/N!”

I shook my head, chuckling. I was so terrified, but also excited because I was there with Spencer. I knew he was going to save me so I tried to stay calm and not pee my pants. 

I took over the story, “Now this is where Spencer will probably try to change the story. The mummy grabs me and Spencer immediately starts screaming, ‘Let her go!’ The mummy doesn’t let me go, and I’m in no real danger. Then Spencer suddenly gets the genius idea that we need to ‘get to know’ this mummy better by unwrapping it. So while I’m still being held by the mummy that’s clearly confused about what’s happening, Spencer starts picking at the mummy’s edges. When the mummy finally notices what happens, the mummy lets me go and yells at Reid for messing up their costume.”

Everyone was cracking up at this point.

“And that’s not even the best part. The mummy was an old lady in his neighborhood, so when she yelled at him she said ‘Spencer Reid, goodness me! Have some manners before you go yelling at an old mummy. What would your mother say?’ Spencer just stood there, horrified. It was hilarious, he got in so much trouble. I felt bad but it was still funny,” I finished. 

Emily and Morgan were practically in tears over the story. Rossi patted Spencer on the shoulder, chuckling. 

JJ smiled up at me and it seemed like she was going to ask me something, but Hotch announced that we were getting ready to land in a few minutes. 

We got back into our serious work modes as Hotch gave everyone assignments. I was assigned to go to the latest crime scene with Morgan so he could analyze the scene while I looked into the victim's computer with Penelope working remotely. 

When we landed, Morgan and I took a black SUV to the victim’s home. It was about a 30-minute drive from the airstrip, so Morgan and I had a chance to talk one on one. 

I liked Morgan so far. He reminded me of my younger brother, Chase. Strong, funny, and clearly caring. I smiled sadly, and Morgan looked over at me.

“So you didn’t know Reid worked at the BAU when you applied?”  
Getting straight into the juicy stuff, I see. I figured once I was one on one with a team member they’d want to know if I was secretly stalking him. 

“Nope. And I didn’t apply for the position.” Morgan stilled beside me. I mentally cringed. 

Shoot. Why must I always be so honest? I was nervous. Nerves always made me too honest. 

Morgan looked over, confused, “What? You were recruited?”

I nodded slowly, turning towards the passenger window. Crap. 

I could feel Morgan as he looked at me intensely. He was trying to figure out how on earth a 28-year-old woman got recruited to one of the FBI’s most prestigious teams. 

“Oh my god.” It clicked for him, “You’re a genius too, aren’t you?”

Turning back towards him, I nodded, “Please don’t tell anyone.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Spencer's POV.

When we landed in Louisville, JJ and I were tasked with heading to the local police department and setting everything up there. On the ride over, JJ was practically bursting at the seams with questions about Y/N.

“So Spence, how are you feeling about Y/N being on our team?”

“How do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean like it must be strange for you to see her. Judging from your reaction when you first saw her in the briefing room, you haven’t seen her in years. Why is that?”

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I didn't want to talk about this yet. Especially not with JJ.

“I should probably talk to Y/N about that, right?”

JJ glanced over at me, “Are you deflecting?”

Damn. 

“It’s not like we didn’t talk after I went to college. We spoke on the phone a lot and wrote each other letters. I guess we stopped talking about 10 years ago. So it is a bit weird to see her here, I suppose. We stopped being super close when I went off to college, and our phone calls and letters were pretty formal and not super regular. I guess we just got busy,” I said sadly.

Honestly, Y/N was my only close friend growing up. When I went off to college, I was really young and had no friends. I missed her like crazy and would want to call her and tell her that I missed her, but I was also just a kid. A kid who didn’t know how to talk to people or express his feelings, so I didn’t. She sometimes called me and caught me up on how my mom was doing and the latest gossip of the town. 

I could tell that her life was normal and happy, and I just wasn’t enjoying my time in college. I didn’t want her to worry about me, so I stopped writing and calling unless she wrote or called me first. Eventually, the letters and the calls stopped. 

Once JJ and I got to the station, we got started on putting up pictures of the victims and maps. By the time we finished, some of the team had started to come back. 

Emily and Rossi came back first and filled us in on what they found out at the medical examiner’s office. Hotch finished his briefing with the police chief and a few minutes later, Y/N and Morgan arrived at the police station. 

I looked up to find Y/N smiling at whatever story Morgan had told her. 

Her smile was exactly the same. Her nose was slightly wrinkled and her eyes shined bright as she shook her head at whatever Morgan said. Even though she looked so similar to how she was as a child, I couldn't help but notice how much of a woman she was now. 

She walked with confidence. Instead of a more masculine style that many female agents prefer, her suit was more feminine. Her navy pants cut off slightly above her ankle, and her blouse wasn’t a button-down. She was wearing a simple gold chain with some sort of pendant on it. She was wearing minimal jewelry with small stud earrings and a few thin rings on her fingers. Her hair was neat and professional and it didn't even look like she was wearing any makeup. 

I realized too late that Morgan had caught me staring at Y/N. I cleared my throat as she sat down at the table where I’d been sitting. Morgan smirked at me and gave me a curious look. 

Emily started to retell their findings at the ME’s office while Y/N got set up on the computer, linking in Penelope. 

We broke down everything we knew so far about our victims. There were 4 victims, each single young women with young children. The unsub was somehow able to gain access to their homes as no evidence was found of breaking in. The unsub tortured them and then killed them quickly with a single stab wound to the throat. 

“It’s interesting that there was no semen or evidence of sexual abuse found on any of the four victims,” Rossi started. 

Hotch agreed, “Also, the fact that the unsub was invited in by the victims rather than breaking in is unusual. Y/N, see if there’s any connection between the four victims. The unsub knew these women.”

“Yes, sir.” She started typing away. 

“I think it’s safe to say that this unsub is a male with the nature of the killing. The thing that I don’t get is why target young mothers?” Emily asked. 

“Maybe he had a young mother and is punishing her through them?” Morgan posited. 

“Or the fact that they’re unmarried and raising children isn’t something he agrees with.” JJ stated.

“Those are both possibilities,” Hotch sighed, “Either way, this unsub knew the mothers and knew they were single and had children. Garcia, see what child care centers or programs for single mothers are in the area. Check to see if our victims had any connection to them or if someone in one of those places with a criminal background comes up.”

“Okie dokie, I’ll get back to you with that my lovelies,” Penelope hung up.

Y/N’s computer dinged. “Sir? All the kids of the victims went to the same elementary school. Rogerson Heights.”

“Good work, Y/N. JJ and you need to go to the school and talk to the admin there, see if they know of any connection between the children. While you’re there, get into the system and see what you can find there as well.”

Y/N and JJ packed up and left, while the rest of us continued to analyze the crime scenes. I tried to focus and not think about Y/N.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from your POV.

The ride to the school was surprisingly quiet. I thought JJ was going to pepper me with questions, especially since it seemed like she wanted to know something on the jet. From what I could tell so far, she was the closest to Spencer on the team. As she drove, I tried to subtly take her in. 

She was really pretty, like a model type of pretty. I was sure Spencer would be attracted to her. He always did seem to like blondes. My eye was caught by a reflection on her hand. 

A wedding ring! She’s married? 

Could she be…? Was Spencer wearing a wedding ring? My brain couldn't seem to remember seeing a ring, and surely if Spencer was married, I’d have heard about it.

Would I though? I didn’t even know that Spencer worked for the FBI. JJ and Spencer didn’t act married though. What do married couples even act like?

Before I knew it, we were pulling up to the elementary school. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even realized that we didn’t say a word the whole car ride.

As we entered the school, JJ spoke up, “The principal here is Mrs. Haverford. I’m going to interview her and see what she can tell us about the moms.”

I nodded, “I’ll get access to the school records and see what I can find out about the kids.” Back to business. 

We went inside and were greeted by the principal. It was the middle of a school day, so there were children in the hallway walking around. The principal scolded them back to class as we made our way to her office. She granted me access to the school’s records and I got to work searching, copying, and exporting in the office. 

After a few minutes, I finished compiling the necessary data and JJ had finished talking with the principal so we headed back to the police station. The drive back this time was not as silent. We called Emily and put her on speaker.

“Hey, Em. You’ve got me and Y/N. We’re on our way back from the school,” JJ started. 

There was rustling on the other end, and Emily said, “Okay, I’m here with everyone else. What’d you find?”

“The moms were all active members of the school community. They volunteered in the classrooms, did PTA, and even helped with school events.”

“What about the kids?” Rossi asked. 

“All the kids were in lower elementary and active as well. Amber and Kyle played soccer after school, while Sarah and Miles did art club. They’re all top students with good grades,” I pitched in. 

“So we have four moms who are active at this school with four high achieving students. It’s got to be someone at the school,” Rossi claimed. 

“We need to deliver the profile,” Morgan stated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Spencer's POV.

It only took us a couple of days to find the unsub. It was a male teacher at the school that was in charge of organizing after school activities and parent volunteers. His reasoning was that the single mothers were unclean and ‘not worthy’ of such great kids. We’d caught him attempting to take another young single mother to his hideout, a shed in the woods behind the school building. 

We were finally on our way back home in the jet. Morgan and Emily were playing a card game, Rossi was reading, Hotch was doing paperwork, JJ was sleeping, and Y/N was listening to her headphones. 

This entire case was so exhausting that I didn’t even have time to catch up with Y/N. She still seemed just as much of a stranger as she did when she turned up at the BAU a week ago. Well, as much of a stranger as an estranged childhood friend can be.

I was curious about what she’d been up to since we last saw each other. I had so many questions I wanted to ask her, but I hadn’t been able to ask any of them while on the case. Now that the case was over, there was really no excuse. 

I stood and walked over to her row, sitting across from her. She was surprised to see me sitting near her and took out her headphones. 

“Hi,” I said nervously. She gave me a soft smile.

“Hi.”

“So,” I started, “Uhh, first BAU case.” Wow, great job, Spencer. Real smooth. 

She shifted in her seat, “Yeah. It was a good first case. We got the bad guy.” 

“Yeah, that’s always a good thing.”

“Yep.” Awkward smile.

Why is it so hard to talk to her?

“How...how have you been?” I asked. She looked up at me, a little surprised.  
“You mean the past few days? Or like in my life, in general?” she chuckled. 

“In general, I guess. The last time I heard from you, I was maybe 20?” 

Seeing her here in front of me, it seemed like it was yesterday. Eidetic memory and all. 

\-- 

It had been my 20th birthday when she called me. She hadn’t called him in a while, and I of course hadn’t called her. I was working on one of my doctoral thesis’ at the time in my apartment. I didn’t plan on doing anything to celebrate other than call my mom and order pizza. I was trying to figure out what to order when my phone rang. 

“Hello?” I answered. 

“Hi, Spencer! It’s me, Y/N!” she exclaimed. 

I was surprised to hear from her. I knew she wouldn’t forget my birthday but I was still surprised she would take the time to call. After all, she had to be in college by now and was probably busy studying. 

“Um, hey! How are you?” I stammered. 

“Pfft. Who cares? I’m calling you, silly! Happy birthday! The big 2-0! You’re officially a vicenarian! Congratulations, vicenarian!” 

\--

“I remember the last time we spoke,” I chuckled. 

Y/N sat up and playfully rolled her eyes, “Of course you do.”

“You were drunk, which was kind of hilarious and unexpected. You congratulated me on being a vicenarian.”

“Oh my god,” Y/N giggled, “I can’t believe I was able to even say vicenarian when I was drunk.”

“I was just impressed that you called.”

She tensed, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you were drunk. But you still thought to call me and wish me a happy birthday,” I explained.  
She looked at me with a mix of guilt and contemplation. Something else was going on, and there was clearly something that she was not saying, but I let it go. 

Instead, I went a different route, “We should catch up, outside of work. I imagine there’s a lot we don’t know about each other now and I’m curious about what you’ve been up to.”

Y/N seemed surprised by my invitation. She looked past me at our other team members before answering, “Sure.”

She quickly smiled at me and then put back in her headphones, looking away and quickly ending the conversation. 

Shrugging off the oddity of what just happened, I stood and made my way back to my original seat, not noticing JJ watching Y/N closely.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from your POV.

The team decided to have dinner at Rossi’s to welcome me to the BAU that weekend. Which is why I was freaking out in front of my closet trying to figure out what to wear. 

Is a dinner casual or semi-formal? Should I dress up? I had four different options laid out on my bed. Two different dresses, one two-piece skirt set, and a nice shirt with dark jeans. I had no idea how fancy I should go, especially since this was technically to celebrate me being a part of the team. 

I decided to ask for help, so I called Penelope. She’d been the kindest to me on the team and didn't seem like she’d mind getting asked fashion advice. 

She picked up on the first ring. 

“Y/N! My partner in technical goddess-ery, how may I be of service?”

“Penelope, I don’t know what to wear! What’s the dress code?”

I could practically hear her standing up in excitement on the other end of the line. 

“Ohhhh! I love a good fashion mystery! Send me a pic of your options,” she squealed. 

“Okay, give me a sec to get it set up,” I said, grabbing shoes to place with the outfits as well. Once all four outfits had jewelry and shoes next to them, I snapped a picture and sent it Penelope.

“Holy mama, I love your closet. All great choices, but I’d go with the maroon shirt and wrap skirt. It’ll look so great on your skin tone and be perfect!” she gushed. 

I took another look at the outfit. “Are you sure it’s not too fancy?” I asked. 

“Nope! It’s perfect, especially since it’s a welcome dinner for you, my dear. Trust me!”

Good, that was what I needed to hear. “Okay, thanks for your help! I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Bye, boo!” she hung up. 

Relieved I called her, I put away the other outfits. I put on the maroon high neck bodysuit under my satin wrap skirt and tied it extra tight around my waist. Don’t want any accidents. 

I put on my gold jewelry and short block heels. I checked my outfit in the mirror. Not bad, Penelope was right. I put on some mascara and a bit of highlight and lip gloss before grabbing my matching bag and heading out the door. 

25 minutes later I was standing in front of Rossi’s door, hyping myself up to knock on the door. When I finally do knock, Penelope opened the door. 

She beamed when she saw me standing there. “How?! You look amazing, girl! You’re like a model and a goddess of computers wrapped in one. I love it!” she gushed as she wrapped me in a hug. 

Penelope guided me into the giant mansion of a house, where the rest of the team had already arrived. I mentally checked to make sure I wasn’t late. 6:00 pm. Nope, everyone else was just early. 

I heard a wolf whistle as I walked into the kitchen where everyone was congregated. I looked over to see that the sound came from Morgan.

Laughing, I shook my head.

Morgan beamed, “You look amazing, girl. And it’s fitting that Barbie is matching with Ken,”

What? Barbie and Ken?

Just then, Spencer walked out from what I assumed was one of the bathrooms in this giant home. It took a second to click, but when it did I instantly blushed. The entire team turned to look at me and Spencer as he slowly started to catch it too. 

We were matching. He was wearing a maroon cardigan with a blue button-down and tan chinos. He looked...good. A whole parade of flashbacks hit me with all the moments that I thought he was handsome as a child. 

Emily interrupted my thoughts, “You two have to take a picture! I mean, you guys grew up together and probably have little kid pictures with each other, but now as adults? Probably not.”

“Yeah, and you could show it to your parents,” Morgan added. 

With a bit more pestering from Penelope and Rossi, Spencer and I awkwardly stood next to each other to pose for a photo that Emily snapped with her phone. She sent it to us, and it was surprisingly sweet. I tried not to think about how good we looked together. 

“Speaking of pictures, are there any pictures of baby Y/N and baby Spencer to share?” Penelope asked. 

I laughed, shaking my head. I don’t have any pictures of us, but I think my mom does in Vegas.

“I do, actually. I brought some that I found in my stuff,” Spencer said.

My head turned to him so fast, you would’ve thought my neck snapped. “What?”

Even Rossi lowered the heat on the stove to come over, “Now this I’ve got to see.”

Spencer looked at me, silently asking for permission. I nodded. I figured better get it out of the way now. Everyone had awkward outfits and goofy embarrassing smiles as a kid. Luckily, I had the bright idea to have everyone wait until after dinner so I could at least mentally prepare myself and eat first. 

After dinner, Spencer pulled out a few photos from his messenger bag. The first photo he pulled out is a photo of just the two of us, sitting in front of Spencer’s house. I was 5 and he was 7. In this picture, he was explaining something in a matter-of-fact way and I was completely ignoring him by blowing bubbles in the other direction. 

Penelope squealed. “Those cheeks! You were so cute!”

“It’s nice to see that Reid hasn’t changed,” Emily quipped. 

“He’s probably explaining the science behind those bubbles,” Hotch laughed. 

I smiled, “He was, actually. And I didn’t care for it one bit.”

Everyone laughed, even Spencer. 

The next photo he pulled out is a photo where we’re slightly older.

I stopped breathing. 

In the photo was a 10-year-old me, 12-year-old Spencer, and my then 8-year-old brother, Chase. 

This time, we were in front of my house, posing on the front steps. 

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I hadn't seen a picture of my brother as a kid in so many years. I didn't notice the team turning to look at me. 

A tear escaped from my eye. Then another. And another. Until I was unwillingly crying on the couch in Rossi’s home with the entire team surrounding me wondering what’s wrong. 

Shit. I’ve got to get out of here. I can’t be here right now. 

“I’ve got to go,” I whispered, running out of there as fast as I can.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told in Spencer's POV.
> 
> I think the chapters are getting longer and longer because I finally kind of know where I'm going with this. Hope you enjoy!

I stared at the door through which Y/N had run through only minutes before. The room felt empty with her gone. The heat and joy she brought had left with her. Why would she run off like that after seeing this particular photo?

I looked at the photo again, remembering that day. We were all so happy. In the photo, I had my arm around the two siblings' shoulders as I was square in the middle. Y/N’s head was leaned back with laughter and Chase was making a goofy face. 

“Who’s the other boy in this photo, Reid?” Morgan asked.

I shook myself out of my flashback and cleared my throat, “That’s Chase, Y/N’s younger brother.”

JJ came to sit next to me, where Y/N was only moments before, “Did something happen to him?” 

I whispered, “I don’t… I don’t think so, but I don’t know.” Every possibility ran through my brain. Chase was a good kid and idolized his sister. He’d be nice to me and play with them when he wasn’t playing with his own friends. He was smart and tough too. 

“I’m sorry, I need to know,” sighed Penelope, pulling out her smartphone. 

“There’s no need, Garcia,” Hotch stated.

We all looked up at Hotch, who was standing by the door. “I wanted to respect Y/N’s privacy in this matter, but seeing how she reacted to that photo makes me think she probably won’t be sharing anytime soon, and we shouldn’t treat her differently because of this.”

I stood, “What happened to Chase, Hotch?”

Hotch moved closer to us as he spoke, “He died. About 7 years ago.”

I didn't believe it. It couldn't be true. How hadn’t I known or even thought to ask her about him in the week or so that she’d been back?

“How?” I gasped. 

Hotch took a deep breath before answering, “He was murdered. It’s still an open case with no suspects.”

That little boy who used to play with me on the street couldn’t be gone. I never saw him as a man, and he didn’t even live to be a man. He was only 19 years old. 

I grabbed my things and headed to my car. I didn't believe it. As much as I wanted answers, I knew Y/N and how much her brother meant to her. I needed to go see her and make sure she was okay.

Penelope followed me to the door, stopped and shouted, “I’ll text you her address!”

On the car ride over, my mind was racing. How should I approach her? How did he die? What did Y/N need? What could I do to help? Would she be mad that I followed her?

I looked down at my phone to see that I was at her address. I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building, mentally going over what I was going to say. 

I tried not to run up the stairs to her second-floor apartment. My heart was racing as I knocked on her door. I heard some shuffling behind the door, a pause, and then I heard her slowly open the door. 

She was wearing a big T-shirt and sweatpants and I could tell she’d been crying. She looked up at me in surprise and sniffed, “Spencer?”

Every word I had planned on saying escaped me. Seeing her here in front of me, looking so vulnerable and lost killed me on the inside. Instead of saying anything, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her. I couldn't help myself.

I closed my eyes and held her tight, not saying anything. She’s stunned for a second. After a deep breath, she grasped the front of my shirt tightly and started to silently sob into my shirt. 

We stood there, holding each other for what felt like hours. I realized I could stand there all day, all week, all year, simply holding her. 

She took a deep breath, pulled back, and looked up at me, “I’ll make us some tea,” she whispered. 

I nodded as she moved towards the kitchen. I followed her, taking in everything around me in her apartment. 

Her living room was small with a large bookshelf surrounding her TV. I remembered she loved to read as a child, but this was surprising. It was almost as many books as I had back at my place. Opposite the TV was a comfortable small yellow couch and two brown leather chairs on either side. Each piece of furniture had colorful pillows and chunky blankets on them. One of the chairs even had more books stacked on top of it. 

Y/N filled an electric tea kettle with tap water in the kitchen, which was equally as colorful. She had art hanging on the walls everywhere. Despite all the books, colors, and art her apartment still didn't seem cluttered or overwhelming. It was cozy and bright. 

The hot water finished boiling and Y/N poured it into two mugs. She pulled out a box with an assortment of tea bags, “I have lemon, ginger, chamomile, green, chai, or earl grey. Which would you like?”

“I’ll take the earl grey. Thanks.”

She nodded at me and motioned to the couch. I sat as she brought over our tea. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping until she whispered, “He was 19 years old.”

She set down her tea on a coaster on the coffee table. She sighed and turned towards me on the couch, hugging her legs towards her chest. 

“I was 21 at the time and had just graduated from college. I still didn’t know what I wanted to do so I took an entry-level job as IT support for this big tech company. I lived in New York City at the time and he had just started his sophomore year of college at NYU,” she smiled, “He was studying to be a filmmaker.”

I smiled, remembering all the times he made his friends act out scenes from his favorite movies and then showing us their finished product. 

“He didn’t like living on campus, so he and I got an apartment together in Crown Heights. It was really small, but we loved it,” she paused and took a sip of tea before continuing, “We’d sometimes get into arguments living together, like how I should have been doing more than simple IT support. I’d always just say that I was just biding my time until I figured out what I really wanted. I think he knew I wasn’t really telling the truth.”

I shifted closer to her on the couch, “What do you mean?” I asked. 

She looked up at me, sighing sadly, “That’s a story for a different time.”

I nodded and she continued, “Chase had an assignment to do for his final where he had to do a mini-documentary on someone living an alternative lifestyle. We had a neighbor at the time who claimed to be a part of this weird cult-like ‘group’ called the Aftershadowers. He started going to their meetings and even met a girl there that he seemed to really connect with.”

She paused again to take a deep shaky breath, “He became...distant. I’d ask him about the meetings and how his documentary was going and he’d just shut me out. After about a month or two, he dropped out of school and moved out to officially join this group. It freaked me out. His dream was to be a filmmaker, so for him to suddenly drop out of film school to join a cult? I...I confronted him and told him he needed to get his life back together. We got into this huge fight. He went on and on about how this was something he needed to do in order to find himself. He said he uncovered something huge. I wasn’t sure if he was still making the documentary or if he had really believed all the cult stuff because anytime I saw him he was always with that girl, Cecilia, that he liked from the group.”

She hugged her legs closer to her body before continuing, “And then one day, I get a call from the police. They said that Chase had been killed execution-style at a silo in upstate New York.”

Y/N started to sob, “I had to go identify his body and it was horrible. My parents...they had to come down too. I was...I was supposed to protect my...my little brother.”

Not knowing what to say, and processing her words, I rubbed her back while she sobbed softly. 

She unwrapped herself and reached for her tea, taking a steadying breath, “The cops still don’t know who did it, even after I told them everything I knew about the cult. They told me they stopped investigating a few months ago, which is when I decided to join the FBI.”

I knew there was more she wasn’t telling me, but I decided to let it go for now, “Thank you for telling me,” I breathed. 

Y/N smiled sadly, “You deserved to know, you were his friend too.”

I smiled at her and couldn't help but stare. Her eyes were wet and puffy, but she was still radiant. It was hard to believe that she’d been through all this because despite what she just told me, I still saw her as a strong woman. I was broken out of my stupor when she looked away and cleared her throat.  
“Oh, god. It’s almost 2:00 am. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was,” she whispered. 

I looked up at the clock, I’d been here for a couple of hours. I guess we'd spent more time in amicable silence than I thought. 

“I should go and let you get some rest,” I yawned, standing up from the couch. 

Y/N grabbed my hand softly, “Spencer, it’s late and you’re clearly tired. Just crash here.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. 

She nodded, “Is the couch okay? I have an air mattress too but that takes a while to blow up.”

“The couch is fine, thanks.”

She took our cups and put them in the sink while I rearranged the pillows and blankets in the living room. They all smelled like her, but I tried not to think about that too much.

She emerged out of her bedroom with a T-shirt and basketball shorts, probably Chase’s.

Noticing my hesitation, she handed them over, “Don’t worry, he’d be more than fine with it. Um, the bathroom’s the first door on the left.”

“Thank you.”

She shook her head, “No, Spencer. Thank you. For coming over and listening to me. I needed you to know and it strangely felt good telling you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to tell you all this.”

I set the clothes down on the couch and without thinking, reached over to her again. For the second time that night, I find myself hugging Y/N. This time she reciprocated and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“Don’t apologize. I understand, Y/N,” I whispered in her hair. 

We stand there embracing until she released me and whisperd, “Goodnight, Spencer” before heading to her bedroom. 

As she closed the door with a soft click, I finally let myself cry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from your POV.
> 
> *There is some Russian in this chapter. Disclaimer: I don't speak Russian, the Russian here is from a translation app, so apologies if it is incorrect.

The sun streamed brightly through my windows, slowly making me wake up. I stretched my arms above my head, grimacing at my headache. Crying always made me have a headache and after the waterworks yesterday, this one was a doozy. 

Yesterday. Or rather this morning. Spencer. It all came rushing back. 

Shoot, he’s in my living room. I glanced at the clock. It was 10:43 am. Makes sense with how late we went to bed. 

Not together, of course. But he is in my apartment. Or is he? Maybe he left.

Sighing, I pushed my covers back and tiptoed out of my bedroom. As I rounded the corner into the living room and kitchen area, I smelled the sweet heavenly smell of coffee. 

Spencer was sitting at the kitchen bar that I used as a dining table, sipping coffee and reading one of my books. 

I couldn't tell which book he'd been reading because as soon as he saw me, he set down the book and smiled up at me. 

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?” he asked. He’d changed back into his clothes from yesterday, with the clothes I gave him folded neatly on the couch. He poured me a cup of coffee and handed it to me. 

“Thanks,” I croaked, my voice not yet awake. I cleared my throat, “I slept like a rock. How was my couch?”

Spencer chuckled at my hoarse voice, “It was good actually. I slept great.”   
  
I smiled. Not knowing what to say next. I looked around awkwardly. My eyes moved to the top shelf of my bookshelf. I could instantly see which book was missing from my shelf, the book that Spencer was reading. 

It was my Russian version of “Pride and Prejudice”.

“You read Russian?” I asked, my brain not yet fully awake.

Spencer smirked, “Я тоже говорю по-русски.”  _ I speak Russian too.  _

I froze. 

He continued, “Ты тоже говоришь по-русски, не так ли? У тебя много книг. Многие из них написаны на других языках.”  _ You speak Russian too, don’t you? You have many books. Many of them are in other languages.  _

I shrugged, “I like to read, Spencer.”

He became slightly agitated and stood in front of me. 

“You have books in Russian, French, German, Tagalog, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Spanish, Braille, Swahili, Thai, Portuguese, Dutch, Farsi, Arabic, and Latin. Why?”   
  


Spencer started to pace in my living room. 

I could see the gears moving in his head. I didn't know what to say. I looked up at my bookcase, overflowing with books in different languages and I realized if anyone is going to understand Spencer would. 

I moved to the couch and sat, taking a deep breath, “I realized I could understand and speak languages easily when I was about 8.”

Spencer stopped pacing and stared at me, “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

I looked up at him, “I was scared, Spencer. I saw how quickly your life was moving and it scared me. You were in high school at age 10. I didn’t want that. I wanted to play and hang out with our friends on the playground in third grade. I was a kid.”

He moved to sit next to me on the couch. 

“I remember flipping through channels on the TV and some telenovela was on. I was watching it and after a few minutes, I could understand what they were saying. Naturally, I became addicted to this Venezuelan telenovela called “Juana la Virgen”. I was watching it without subtitles one day and my mom caught me. I pretended like I had no idea what was going on and convinced her that I just thought it was funny.”

My stomach rumbled loudly, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen on us. 

Spencer chuckled, “Why don’t we continue this conversation over breakfast. My treat. That is if it’s okay with you?”

Although this wasn't the easiest conversation, I found myself wanting to spend more time with Spencer. After all, it had been almost 10 years since the last time we had a conversation. 

“Okay, let me get dressed,” I said, motioning to my pajamas.

Spencer laughed, “I need to change too. Meet me at the diner down the street in half an hour?” 

I nodded as Spencer stood and left. Even though I knew I was going to see him in half an hour, I couldn't help but miss him a little bit. 

I hurried to my bedroom to get ready. I put on my worn blue jeans with a blue cardigan and matching converse before brushing my teeth and washing my face. 

I grabbed the pajamas that Spencer left on the couch and tossed them in the hamper before heading out the door, steeling myself for whatever conversation may happen. 

15 minutes later, right on the dot, I walked into the cute diner down the street from my apartment called “Dalia’s”. In the middle section of booths, I spotted Spencer. He was studying the menu closely, his eyes squinted at the words on the page. He looked so much like the boy I knew, yet here in front of me was a man. One who’d seen so much and done so much good for the world. 

It took a waitress asking me if I need anything for me to realize that I’d been staring. I shook myself out of it and headed over to the booth. 

He looked up when I approached, smiling up at me awkwardly as I moved to sit across him. Even though we just essentially spent the night together, this still felt...new. As if the ten years that we hadn’t talked was a whole lifetime ago and I was getting to know him all over again. He was no longer the boy I once knew, I had to get to know this new older Spencer all over again, and strangely I was looking forward to it. 

“Hi, there. Long time no see,” I joked. 

He smiled, “Yeah. I’m glad you came,” he paused, “I was kind of worried you might not.”

“Why’d you think that?” I asked, genuinely confused. 

Shifting in the booth, he hesitated before saying, “I, uhh...I was kind of interrogating you earlier. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

Without thinking, I reached over to grab his hand, “Spencer, I understand why you want to know. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in 10 years and all the sudden I show up at your job. Then you find out that...that Chase is dead. There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

He nodded, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me too, I guess.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good time to get to know each other then.”

Spencer smiled, “It is indeed.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Spencer's POV.

It had been several months of Y/N working on the team. She and I had been spending a lot of time together, practically spending every weekend hanging out. We’d gone to bookstores, museums, watched documentaries, and caught up on each other's lives. 

That first day at the diner, she’d first asked if JJ would be okay with us spending so much time together. I’d laughed and asked why she’d asked that. She shyly admitted that she’d thought that JJ and I were married. I blushed and told her about Will and baby Henry. I also told her that even though we’d gone on one date a long time ago, she was more like an older sister to me. Satisfied with that answer, she went on to tell me about herself, comfortable that she wasn’t breaking anyone’s trust. 

During the next couple of months, she told me about Chase’s death. She’d felt like her world had ended and had quit the IT support job she’d been working when Chase died. She’d decided to try to find evidence against the cult that she believed killed her brother, researching and hacking during the day and working as a waitress at a club at night. 

She’d chosen the club she worked at because she thought there could be a connection between the club and the cult as both were connected to high ranking members of the club. It had been a dead-end, and she ended up running out of leads and resources after 5 years of searching and working non-stop. Somehow the FBI had gotten wind of her hacking and offered her a position at the FBI, provided she went through training first. 

She wasn’t exactly thrilled at the notion of working for the same government that had failed to find her brother’s killer, but she knew she’d have more resources working for the FBI. When she’d taken the entrance exam, and they found out she’s a hyperpolyglot as well as an IT specialist, they’d decided to assign her to the BAU. 

I told her about past cases and funny stories about the team. I came clean about our lack of contact in the last few years and why I’d been scared to call her when I was in college. I also told her about how we thought Emily was dead, only to find that JJ and Hotch had faked her death. It took a few weeks for me to gain the courage to tell Y/N about my Dilaudid addiction, worried it would make her think less of me. 

I pulled out my five-year sobriety chip from my pocket, fiddling with it before handing it to her slowly. She softly took it and turned it over in her hands, reading the inscription. 

“I’ve been sober for about five years now,” I said. 

She smiled next to me, handing the chip back to me. 

“I’m so proud of you, Spencer,” she smiled. I was shocked. That was not what I was expecting to hear. 

She could sense my surprise, “I mean, going through what you went through, and still helping people while dealing with all your demons. And then to go through it on the other side, that’s amazing. You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished, Spencer. Seriously.”

I watched as she contemplated whether or not she should hug me for a minute, and I decided to make that decision for her. I closed the gap between us and wrapped her in my arms. I was so overcome with emotion, it was either that or kiss her and I knew that wasn’t the time for that. 

We were sitting at the park, our phones buzzing pulling us apart. 

It was Hotch, we had a case. 

We drove over to the office together, wondering what this new case could possibly bring.

When we arrived at the BAU, Hotch was waiting by the elevators, which was unusual. 

I could tell something was wrong, and I guess Y/N could too because she reached for my hand. 

“What’s going on?” Y/N asked.

Hotch steered himself before answering, “There’s been a shooting in New York City, near Crown Heights. The victim was killed execution-style and was a member of-”

“The Aftershadowers,” Y/N finished. 

The cult that Chase had been a part of when he died. 

Y/N’s legs went out under her. I caught her mid-fall and she looked up at me, her expression going from helpless to determined in a matter of seconds. 

She took a deep breath, straightened up, and walked over to stand in front of Hotch. 

“Are we going?” she asked. 

Hotch nodded, “We’ve been asked to come in. The rest of the team has been briefed. Wheels up in 20.” He walked away quickly after briefly offering a supportive nod to Y/N.

“This is it,” Y/N said looking at the ground, “I’m finally going to get justice for Chase.”

I looked over at her, not missing the strong resolve in her face. 

20 minutes later, we were all on the jet, getting ready for takeoff. Y/N was filling us in on everything she knew about the group and the details surrounding Chase’s death. The similarities between Chase’s murder and this new victim’s murder were uncanny. We tossed around a few theories of a profile, but after a few minutes decided that we’d have a better sense of the situation when we’d landed. 

I looked over at Y/N who was typing away on her laptop at the back of the plane. It was clear that she was full of nervous energy. I was worried about her and what this case could or wouldn’t bring. 

“You think she’s going to be okay?” Morgan asked, nodding over at Y/N.

I turned back around to face him, “I hope so. She’s been searching for answers for so long.”

“Hopefully whatever answers we find are the ones she’s looking for,” Emily sighed next to me. 

I hope so too.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from your POV.

Four hours later, we were still searching for our unsub. Emily and Morgan had gone to the ME’s office and gathered information on what type of gun had been used. JJ and Rossi had gone and spoken to the victim’s family. The victim had recently joined the group, much to the dismay of his parents. The parents knew very little about the group and weren’t much help. I was setting up at the police station, while Hotch and Spencer went to the crime scene.

One of the cops who’d found my brother’s body had now become a detective and was surprised to see me working with the FBI when I walked into the police station. 

I recognized him as soon as I set eyes on him, “Detective Adams,” I said, sticking out my hand for him to shake, “You probably don’t remember me, but I’m Y/N Y/L/N. You found my...brother’s body a few years ago.”

He shook my hand lightly while giving me a shocked once-over, “Ahh, yes. I remember you. They got you working over at Quantico now? Figures, you always did seem 5 steps ahead of us here,” he smiled. 

“Yeah, well I wasn’t getting too far in my own investigation so I decided to join the big boys, I guess,” I shrugged. 

Detective Adams chuckled lightly and helped me set up the photographs and maps. I paused as I came across a picture of Chase. It was his driver’s license picture that he’d gotten taken a year before he died. I’d teased him about how goofy he looked in it with his crooked smile and bright collared shirt. 

Adams caught me staring at the picture and sighed, “We’ll catch the sonofabitch that did this, Y/N. We’ve got the feds now, and you all are the best of the best.”

I nodded, fighting back tears as I pinned Chase’s picture to the bulletin board. I moved over to the conference table and took out my laptop to link in Penelope. 

“Any news, Pen?” I asked, hoping for anything.

“Not yet, my love. I’m sorry. Right now, I’m just doing a search to see if your brother and the victim had any connections or similarities via their bank accounts and anything else I can get my hands on.”

I groaned, frustrated that it felt like I wasn’t doing anything to really help and this first stage of information gathering was taking so long. 

Penelope looked at me worriedly on the laptop screen, “How are you holding up?”

I looked up at Detective Adams, who was scanning the board for any clues. He seemed to get my hint and cleared his throat before nodding and leaving the conference room. 

I took a deep breath, “I don’t know, Pen. I feel like I should be doing more and everything feels like it’s taking forever to do.”

“Hey, you researched this group for several years. That alone saved us so much time on our end, trust me,” she said reassuringly. 

“You’re right,” I said. Just then the rest of the team was coming back to the station. To my relief, Hotch and Reid had found important information at the crime scene.

“We found this hidden in the victim’s apartment,” Reid said, pulling a small evidence baggie out of his pocket. He placed it on the table, right next to me so I could see what it was. 

Is that? Sweet mother of the computer gods, “A USB drive!” I exclaimed. 

I carefully pulled it out of the bag and plugged it into my laptop. Surprisingly, it only had one file on it and it was a video file. I quickly connected my laptop to the TV in the room and pressed play on the video for everyone to see. 

After a few seconds of darkness and shuffling, a forehead came into view very close to the camera. Then the forehead moved out of the frame and a few seconds later, I gasped at what I saw. 

It was Chase. He moved to sit in front of the camera, adjusting the focus. I tried to focus on my breathing as he smiled at the camera and did a goofy little wave. 

“Oh my god,” Spencer whispered next to me. 

Chase cleared his throat and started to speak, “Um, hello. My name is Chase Y/L/N and this is my documentary on the Aftershadowers.”

I paused the video. My brain was moving one hundred miles an hour. His documentary. It was hidden in the victim’s apartment. I’d never even seen it even though I’d asked him to show me it a million times, “You’ll see it when it’s finished,” he’d always say. Now I was finally going to see it.

“You don’t have to watch this if you don’t want to,” offered Morgan. 

I shook my head, “No, I want to. I need to see this. I just needed a second.”

Spencer gently grabbed my shoulder, centering me. 

“I’m fine now. Let’s watch it.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Spencer's POV.

We watched the documentary playing on the TV. It was strange for me to see Chase as a young adult and even stranger to hear his voice several octaves lower than I remembered. As we watched, I looked at Y/N in my peripheral, trying to decipher her microexpressions. In the documentary, Chase was secretly showing the headquarters of the cult and explaining their beliefs. 

We couldn’t tell where the headquarters were and there were no locational clues. It was clear that Chase wasn’t supposed to be videoing where they were as he was whispering and keeping out of sight. I watched it intently and suddenly saw something.

“Pause the video,” I interrupted. Y/N immediately paused the video, looking up at me in question. The whole team turned to look at me. 

I moved to the TV and pointed to the image on the screen. In the corner, there was a large mirror and in the mirror’s reflection…

“That’s the victim!” Emily exclaimed. 

“Let’s see what he does next,” Rossi said. Y/N pressed play and we continued to watch. 

The victim spoke to Chase briefly and quietly, they were clearly working together on this project. That meant whoever killed the victim definitely also killed Chase.

We kept watching, looking for anything. It looked like Chase was leaving whatever building he was in. Good, maybe we can get an idea of how to locate this building. 

Right before we were going to see where he was, the camera went to black for a few minutes and the video ended. 

“That’s it?” Morgan asked, confused at the sudden ending. The team pondered the same question, brainstorming possible scenarios. 

Next to me, Y/N’s head was in her hands and she was getting more and more agitated. 

“Damn it!” she shouted. 

She stood and pursed her lips. She looked defeated, we were not any closer than we had been before the documentary. 

JJ made her way over to where Y/N was standing, speaking in a calm voice, “Hey, it’s okay. We’ll find whoever did this. One way or another.”

“Really, JJ? Cause it doesn’t feel like it. We,” she fumed, motioning to the entire team, “are no closer than I was a year ago and I was by myself! How can we be no closer? We have a fresh victim, a whole team of profilers, and FBI resources. We’ve been here for an entire day and we know nothing new! A whole day!” she shouted. 

JJ took a step back, stunned by her outburst. I stood, not sure what to add but knowing I needed to say something. 

Y/N turned to look at me, anger in her eyes, “Don’t. Spencer, just don’t. Okay?” She sighed and shook her head before whispering, “I need some air. Alone.”

The “alone” part was clearly pointed at me as I was ready to follow her. As she walked out of the conference room and then out of the police station, my eyes followed her. 

“Just let her cool off, man,” Morgan offered. I slumped back in my chair, feeling helpless.

Hotch cleared his throat and instructed Garcia to analyze the video for any sounds or clues that the computer can pick up that we may have missed. 

“What else do we know about this group? Any other angles?” Rossi asked, “I feel like we’re missing something.”

I racked my brain for any information that I knew about the group, but my mind kept going to Y/N. I thought of how hard it must have been for her to work this case all by herself these past few years, hacking on her own at night while working all day at the club. 

That’s it! The club! We hadn’t explored the club yet. 

I sat up, “Y/N mentioned a club that she worked at when she was investigating. She thought there could be a connection to the cult because the cult had some connections to high ranking members of the club.” We hadn’t thought to bring it up because according to Y/N it had been what she thought was a dead end. It was worth a try though, we had nothing else. 

“Do you know the name of the club?” Hotch asked. I shook my head, she hadn’t told me that. 

“Garcia?”

“Yes, on it. Let me see. Checking the clubs in the area with Y/N’s information as fast as my fingers can fly. And oh! Ohh wow.”

“What is it, Garcia?” Emily asked. 

“Um, this club isn’t exactly a get down and boogie kind of club, per se. I mean it is kind of, but not really in the traditional sense.”

Morgan straightened, “Spit it out, baby girl.”

“It’s a strip club called ‘Belle Femme’ or ‘beautiful ladies’ in French,” stuttered Penelope. 

“Okay, Rossi and Prentiss head down there and see what you can find out. Garcia, look into the clubs financials, it could be a possible front,” Hotch instructed, “Reid let Y/N know what’s going on, and everyone else let’s revisit everything we know so far.”

I nodded and grabbed my phone to call Y/N. The phone rang for several minutes before going straight to voicemail. That was odd. I texted her and waited for a response. A few minutes went by and nothing. 

I walked outside the police station, looking around to see if I could find her sitting on a bench somewhere. 

She was nowhere to be seen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from your POV.

I needed to not be in the conference room anymore. The whole team was starting to piss me off and I felt like I was suffocating. How could we not have any progress after a whole day of a team of profilers investigating a new victim?

Knowing it was unprofessional, I walked out. I didn’t care if it made me look weak or hateful. I needed to get out. I walked and walked and kept walking. I didn’t know where I was going, but I kept walking.

I eventually found myself at a small park, filled with kids and their parents enjoying the autumn day. I sat on a nearby bench, deciding I’d walked far enough. My flats weren’t exactly made for long journeys. My phone rang and a text came from Spencer asking me to call him, but I ignored it and put it back in my pocket. I looked around at the parents playing with their children on the playset. Some were sitting at a distance and others were playing with their kids, chasing them around. 

There was one mom sitting under a tree nearby me with a toddler on a blanket. Her toddler was playing with some toys while the mother was reading a book. The mother and child were close enough that I could see what book the mother was reading. It was a book of nursery rhymes and she was reading them aloud to the child. The child didn’t seem that interested, instead focused on a toy ball, switching between trying to fit the ball in their small mouth and trying to throw it. The child eventually did throw it and it rolled right by my feet. I moved to pick it up and brought it over to the mom.

When I was close enough to the mom, she looked very familiar. She seemed to recognize me too.

It couldn’t be. “Cecilia?” I mumbled. 

It was definitely her by the look on her face. She was definitely the girl that Chase had gotten close to in the Aftershadowers. I hadn't been able to find her after his death, it was like she'd disappeared. She looked around, almost like she was worried someone was watching. 

“That’s not my name,” she whispered. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“My real name is Marian. That was the name they gave me. I’m no longer a part of...the group,” she trembled. 

I sat next to her, giving the child the ball. “What do you mean?”

“I left, after,” she paused, collected herself, and attempted to speak normally, “After what they did to Chase.”

My eyes watered at his name.

She continued, “I left. I told them I was no longer a believer and that I felt I could no longer serve their higher purpose. Luckily, since I was a loyal member they let me go, thinking I’d come back. I never did, and I now have a normal, happy life,” she smiled softly, looking at her child. 

This was my chance, I had to ask her. 

“Do you know who killed my brother?” I asked.

She looked at me for a moment and then put her child in her lap, hugging her tight before nodding. 

I swallowed, holding back the tears. I needed to do this in a smart way. Not ruin everything after coming this far. 

“Would you be able to tell us, please? Another person has been found dead in the exact same way.”

“Us?” she asked, worriedly. 

“I’m working with the FBI now, we were brought here to investigate. If you cooperate, we can protect you and your family,” I said, trying not to sound desperate. 

“I don’t know. They’re powerful people,” she muttered. 

I softly grabbed her hand, “I promise. I won’t let them hurt another person. Your family included.”

She nodded. I had her pack her things and call her wife to meet us at the police station. I learned the child’s name was Anya and that she was just a little of a year old. We walked over and on the walk over I made extra sure to be vigilant just in case anyone was watching us. 

We got to the police station safely, and as soon as we arrived both Spencer and Hotch met us at the front of the police station. 

Spencer sighed in relief, giving me a look that said ‘Don’t ever do that again.’ I gave him an embarrassed smile as I introduced Marian and Anya to them. 

We led them to an interview room and Marian reluctantly handed Anya to me, while Hotch and Reid interviewed Marian. I stood with Anya in the adjacent room, watching and listening through the double-sided mirror as Marian told us everything.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Spencer's POV.

I sat across from Marian as she told us everything about the cult. She told us where they met, how they recruited their members, and what their customs and beliefs were. She told us about the leaders and how they were illegally exploiting people for money. It was clear that they did truly believe their own message. She told us the name of the man who was responsible for getting rid of the naysayers, like Chase and our latest victim. 

To arrest these guys we needed evidence, and even though we had Marian’s testimony and the name of our killer, we still didn’t have evidence. Marian did confirm that the leaders got their money to fund the group and themselves from the club, Belle Femme. 

In order to catch these guys, we needed to go undercover and gather evidence against them. We thanked Marian for her time, and put her and her family under protection for the time being. 

Hotch and I rejoined the team in the conference room and relayed everything we’d learned. We started to formulate a plan of attack. 

Since Y/N had previously worked at the club, she would be undercover as a waitress while Morgan and Emily would go as club goers for backup. Rossi would pose as a potential investor with JJ on his arm. Reid and Hotch would be monitoring everything from a van in the street, with Garcia remotely surveilling as well. 

JJ rolled her eyes at her part of the plan, shrugging, “So I’m arm candy?” 

Rossi chuckled, “Not exactly. You, my dear, are the muscle.”

JJ seemed to like that and smiled. Y/N was easily able to get her old job ‘back’ as she’d used a fake name when working there so no connection would be made between her and Chase. Our plan was set to happen that night as we couldn’t risk waiting for another victim or for someone to attack Marian’s family. 

A few hours later, we were getting prepped in the van a few blocks away from the club before Y/N was off to start her shift. She seemed anxious as she kept adjusting her hair. She had heavy makeup on, as was the regulation at the club for the waitresses, she had explained. It made her eyes seem shinier and bigger. Her dark lipstick had made her lips appear even juicier and more kissable. Spencer shook his head, trying not to get into that train of thought. 

She was wearing a jacket to cover her uniform on the way over so she wouldn’t draw any attention. When we parked, she took it off and my jaw dropped. She was scantily clad in fishnet tights, a tight black minidress that was low cut in the front and back, knee-high boots, and big hoop earrings. Everyone in the van, which was everyone but Rossi and JJ, stopped what they were doing for a second to stare.  
Y/N blushed and chuckled. “It’s more clothes than the strippers are wearing,” she joked. 

Everyone giggled at that. We borrowed some tech from the local FBI office, including a small camera situated in both Y/N and Emily’s necklaces and some small mics for everyone. JJ and Rossi were already at the club and mic'd up. The plan was for Rossi and JJ to get the bigwigs talking and get them to confess how they used their money by acting as potential investors. Emily and Morgan were going as backup in case anything got hairy, while Y/N was to locate the bigwigs.

Once we’d gone over the plan one more time, Y/N got ready to leave the van. I shuffled over to her nervously. 

She looked up at me and smiled nervously. “Hey, be careful out there, okay?” I said. 

“I will,” she nodded as she left the van.

We’d parked a few blocks away so that it would seem like she was coming from the bus stop. We drove a block or two closer and parked slightly out of sight, but close enough to the club where Hotch and I could come in quickly if needed. 

Y/N tested her mic and camera before heading in. We watched as she got set up and assigned her area for the night. The club was already in full swing as it was night time and late enough that people were starting to party. Y/N started to take drink orders and fill them with ease, muscle memory clearly taking over. 

The music was loud and booming, which made it easy for us to communicate with her without others’ hearing. Emily and Morgan made their way into the club, pretending to be a couple on a date. They found a spot by the bar to stand and casually observe. JJ and Rossi were at the opposite end of the bar, waiting for Y/N to tell them when she’d spotted the leaders. We’d seen their pictures, however, it would be out of character for Rossi and JJ to go looking around for them and it was hard to see too far into the dark club. Garcia was also searching via security cams. 

“I think I see them. The second booth from the stage to the right of the DJ,” Y/N stated casually.

“Garcia?” JJ asked.

“Uhh...yes! That’s them,” confirmed Garcia, “It’s Stevens in the red jacket and Anders in the navy jacket.” 

Emily and Morgan found a spot closer to the pair of men, while JJ and Rossi headed over. Rossi introduced himself as an old-money millionaire (he had on a slight disguise in case anyone recognized him as an author). The men’s clear greed over money made them welcome him and JJ to their booth, just as we profiled. 

It only took an hour for the plan to work. Rossi and JJ had goaded the men into admitting how their money is made, spent, and how they deal with ‘non-believers’. Morgan and Emily assisted in the arrest and local law enforcement had arrested the actual killer across town, who confessed to the crimes. 

When we took all three men into custody, Y/N was smiling tearfully, exhausted, and relieved that it was all over. She’d called her parents to let them know and they too were overjoyed. 

On the jet ride home, she came over to sit next to me. She was back in her normal clothes and seemed finally at peace.

“Hey,” she said gently. 

“Hey.” 

She hesitated for a moment before speaking, “I’m sorry for being off earlier. I was frustrated and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you or JJ. I already apologized to her, but I also wanted to make sure that we’re okay,” she paused, “Are we...okay?”

I shifted closer to her in my seat, looking her deep in her eyes so she’d understand, “Of course we are. You could never say or do anything that would make me feel otherwise.”

She wrapped her arms around me, giving me a warm hug. I squeezed her back. As we pulled away, she softly said, “You know, I realized something today.”

“What?”

“After we made the arrests, I called my parents to tell them the good news. After I hung up, I wanted to tell everyone the good news, so I thought of who to call. The only other person wanted to call was you. Which was stupid because you were there too. But that made me realize that the reason I wanted to call you is because...you’re my best friend.”

She shyly searched my face for a reaction. I sighed happily, “You’re my best friend too, Y/N. Always have been, always will be.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Spencer's POV.
> 
> They solved the case of Chase's murder, but our story doesn't end there!

It had been a year since Y/N and the team had arrested the people responsible for Chase's death. She and I had been tiptoeing around our feelings for each other since then. We both knew we had feelings for each other and that it was possible that our feelings could be reciprocated. However, we were both worried about ruining our friendship, which had become so dear to us after years apart. 

The team, of course, took every opportunity to try to set us up. Especially Morgan and Penelope. They were always trying to instigate and set us up in some way or another.

That all changed when we got a case in our hometown in Las Vegas. Y/N and I were a little worried about going back to our hometown for a case. It was clear that we both had memories attached to each other and the place that we used to call home. It didn't help that the case was in the actual town that we grew up in. Meaning the chances of running into people that we knew were high especially since many people from where we are from did not leave the town as we'd done.

In our time of reconnecting, Y/N hadn’t spoken much about her time in middle and high school. She’d told me that she’d had some friends but had lost touch with them over the years as they could likely tell she wasn’t being genuine. She’d been pretending to not be completely bored in every class as it was too easy for her because she didn’t want to skip several grades and head off to college early. 

We were going to Vegas for a case involving a family annihilator. Two separate families had been murdered in their homes in a middle-class suburban neighborhood. What made this case different was the fact that the murders took place during the day. Neighbors hadn’t heard the gun that was used because the killer had likely used a silencer. 

When the jet landed in the hot Las Vegas heat, we immediately went to our assignments. I was going to the latest crime scene with Morgan, Emily and Rossi were headed to the first crime scene, while JJ, Hotch, and Y/N went to the police station to set up and talk to the victim’s families. 

The crime scene was a little ways away from the airstrip where we’d landed, so Morgan decided to take the opportunity to grill me on my ‘relationship’ with Y/N.

“I don’t get it, kid. You like her and she obviously likes you. Why don’t you just ask her out already?” Morgan questioned, tapping the steering wheel for emphasis.

I sighed deeply, “We’re really good friends, Morgan. I don’t…I can’t mess that up.”

“So what’s going to happen when the next guy comes along and decides to ask her out? Are you really going to be cool with that? Her dating some guy and maybe even getting married and having kids with someone else? While you’re watching and still being her friend? Come on, man.”

Morgan had a good point. Selfishly, I hadn’t even thought about that. Y/N was beautiful and there had been times where local cops would hit on her at police stations while on a case, or random guys would try to ask her out while we were hanging out. She’d always brush them off politely and then act as if it had never even happened. It didn’t phase her. Maybe that’s why I never worried about that. She hadn’t seemed interested in any of them. 

Logically, it only made sense that it would be a matter of time before someone else would catch her eye. 

After checking out the latest crime scene and deducing that the unsub was invited in, we headed to the local police station. When we got there the rest of the team was congregated in the conference room with a man I didn’t recognize. 

As I walked into the conference room with Morgan, the man was talking with Y/N. He was very friendly with her, even going so far as to lightly touch her arm. Y/N wasn’t brushing him off, either. She was smiling at him and listening intently. Morgan side-eyed me and raised his eyebrow as if to say, ‘I told you so’. When Y/N noticed us walk in, she immediately moved a little bit away from the man like she’d been caught. Interesting. 

I was so caught up in observing her strange behavior, that I didn’t notice Morgan introducing himself to the man next to me. 

“...and this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” Morgan finished, nudging me. 

I raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips, nodding at the man in front of me. As I took a good look at him, I couldn’t help but think he looked familiar. He was tall, muscular, and dark. He had a commanding presence and looked very professional in his tailored black suit. Where do I know this guy from?

The man laughed, “No way! Spencer Reid?!”

He knew me. 

“Man, I haven’t seen you since we were kids! I can’t believe you, me, and Y/N are here years later in the same room.”

I still didn’t recognize him and hadn’t exactly been listening when he introduced himself earlier. 

I stuttered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name earlier.”

He shook his head playfully, “C’mon man, you don’t remember me? Dewey Peters! From down the street? I lived next to the library.”

I remembered. Dewey Peters. I remembered being indifferent towards him. He wasn’t one of the bullies, exactly. He was that kid that was friends with everyone, including the bullies. But that didn’t mean that he helped stop the bullies and their torment on me, either. 

As if he could read my thoughts, Dewey spoke up, “Hey, man. I’m sorry I never stuck up for you. I was a scared little kid, you know. Didn’t like conflict. Still don’t, really.”

Emily laughed behind us, “The assistant district attorney doesn’t like conflict? That’s one I’ve never heard before.”

Everyone chuckled. I nodded at Dewey, hoping to show that bygones were bygones. Hotch debriefed the team and Dewey who was there at the request of the district attorney since the murdered families were important members of the community. As I listened to Hotch and Rossi break down the case, I moved closer to the back of the room so I could observe Dewey and Y/N. 

They were sitting next to each other and they looked really comfortable together. Both of their body languages were relaxed. Y/N’s legs were crossed towards him and his hands were resting on the table, slightly too close to her laptop. It was starting to make me suspicious. Why were they so comfortable together?

Hotch was finished briefing and we were throwing around theories. I threw in a few factoids here and there, still watching Y/N and Dewey in my peripheral vision. Hours later, when we were finished for the day and walking towards the cars to go to the hotel, I overheard Emily and JJ talking up ahead of me. 

“That ADA Peters is nice to look at,” Emily snickered. I rolled my eyes. Not that nice to look at. 

“And Y/N seemed extra comfortable with him,” JJ added. Exactly, JJ! I knew I wasn’t just seeing things!

“How much do you want to bet they went out?” Emily asked. I stopped walking. It was a possibility. After all, Y/N probably did go to high school with him. 

“10 bucks says it was just in high school,” wagered JJ. 

Emily shook her head, “No way. I bet high school and some college.”

“You’re on,” JJ agreed, shaking her hand. 

I was planning on riding with them but decided to take another car after hearing their little wager. 

I walked to the other black SUV in the parking lot and opened the back door, climbing in. Sitting right next to me in the back seat was none other than the woman I’d been secretly obsessing about since we'd landed. 

Rossi and Morgan were sitting up front, chatting idly about something, not paying attention to the awkwardness in the backseat. 

Y/N nervously smiled at me as I buckled my seatbelt. For some reason, the silence in the air between us felt awkward. 

We sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before I mustered the courage to speak up.

“So-” 

“Dewey and I used to go out!” she suddenly blurted out. Shocked at her sudden outburst, she blushed. 

Morgan and Rossi halted their conversation, now definitely listening in. 

I didn’t know what to say. My mouth kept opening and closing, searching for any word to come and save me. 

Y/N almost looked guilty as she sped through her explanation, “It was junior and senior year of high school and the first semester of college.” 

That made sense. The touching and the familiarity would correspond with people who’d been dating. I just couldn’t believe that Dewey and Y/N were a thing at one point. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Would they become a thing again? Would this case bring them back together? I couldn’t help but think back to my earlier conversation with Morgan. 

“Why are you telling me this?” I questioned, not liking this new information.

She was taken aback by that, and for a split second hurt passed her face. But as soon as I was it, it was gone. She straightened up and stated, “I just thought that you...and everyone should know. For professional reasons.” 

After studying my face for any sort of expression or response, she huffed silently and turned toward the window, muttering, “Nevermind” under her breath. 

In the driver's seat, Rossi softly cleared his throat and caught my eye in the rearview mirror. He raised his eyebrows with emphasis at me. What? 

I shrugged and looked out the window next to me. This was about to be a long case.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from your POV.

The day had been draining. From finding out a case was in my hometown to seeing Dewey again and then the cold treatment from Spencer, all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for the next couple of hours. 

Why was Spencer acting so cold towards me? I told him the truth about Dewey because I thought he deserved to know. I mean, he and the team deserved to know. Ugh! It was all so confusing!

I could tell back at the police station that Spencer was a little bit jealous seeing how comfortable Dewey and I were together. I couldn’t help it. We’d dated for three years, he was my first boyfriend and actually a really great one at that. I’d gone on dates here and there occasionally since then, but it was mostly because my coworkers at the club would try to set me up. I wasn’t really ready for any type of relationship after Chase died. I was too busy trying to find his killer. 

But now that we’d solved the case, I felt free to live my life for myself finally. That scared me. I hadn’t been able to live my life until recently and I wasn’t sure how to do it. I wanted to be with Spencer and I knew he liked me, but as more and more time goes by I can’t help but think his interest is fading. 

We still hang out a lot, but lately, there’s always a moment or two when things get awkward or silent as if we’ve run out of things to say. Then there was our most recent interaction in the car. Which was still filled with silence as we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel we were staying in. 

I glanced over at Spencer, who was still ignoring me. The car stopped and I hopped out quickly, grabbing my bag. The rest of the team had just arrived and were in the lobby. I walked in ahead of everyone, not looking forward to what I knew was about to happen. 

Emily smiled mischievously, I rolled my eyes. 

“I’m not rooming with Spencer, again,” I snapped, a little too loudly. 

Luckily, Spencer was still by the car and not inside because everyone else stopped to look at me all bug-eyed. 

This had been happening for a few months, getting set up in a hotel room with Spencer every time we had an out of state case. It was always the same thing, and I was tired of it. It wasn’t helping. If anything, it was making things more awkward between us. 

I pulled out my phone, I had an idea. “You know what? My parents actually live down the street. I’ll just stay with them while we’re here.”

Even though everyone looked a bit concerned at my previous snap, they nodded and went to their respective rooms, wishing everyone a good night.   
My dad picked up and said he’d come and grab me in a few minutes. Despite the long day, I was happy that I thought to go home. It’ll be nice to spend some quality time with my family to unwind from this shitty case. 

Morgan, Rossi, and Spencer walked in the lobby where I was waiting. I had to force myself to stay where I was instead of walking the other direction the second I saw him. He probably thought I was waiting for him. I handed them their keycards that JJ had given me to pass along. When they noticed I wasn’t following them to the elevators, they stopped.

“You coming up?” Rossi asked.

Even with my bad mood, I couldn’t be rude to Rossi. He was like a second dad to me, taking me under his wing at the BAU.

I smiled and shook my head, “I’m going to crash at my parents. They’re only a few minutes away.”

He nodded understandingly as he and Morgan wished me a good night. Spencer once again ignored me and went to the elevators without saying a word.

Great.

Before I could reminisce too long on his childlike behavior, I spotted my dad’s car pull up. 

\---

The next morning I woke up in my childhood bedroom bright and early so I could get in a run before heading to work. I got dressed quickly, putting on some workout clothes and heading out quietly. 

The night before had been mellow once my dad had picked me up. My mom had heated up some leftover lasagna for me as we chatted about the case and everything going on. My mom, like everyone else apparently, was rooting for me and Spencer. 

“I always had a feeling the two of you would end up together,” she’d said. 

I rolled my eyes at the memory. Even when I was little, my mom was a fan of Spencer, making sure that he had extra food to bring home to his mom and letting him sleepover all the time. 

As my phone buzzed to announce that I’d run two miles, I made my way back to my parent’s street and saw a familiar black SUV parked in front of their house. Weird.  
I ran up the front steps to the house and opened the door to hear three voices chatting and laughing. 

Spencer was here. I made my way towards the kitchen, where the sound was coming from. Lo and behold, there he was, drinking coffee and chatting with my parents. 

My dad noticed me first. “Oh, hey Pumpkin! How was your run?” he asked, as if having Spencer there was not an unusual sight. Which it wouldn’t have been 20 years ago, but now? It was a bit odd. 

I was still slightly out of breath from my run and tried not to be too self-conscious about the fact that I was really sweaty and wearing old workout clothes. 

“Um, it was good,” I huffed, grabbing my water bottle from the counter to take a big swig. I glanced at Spencer, who was nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

My mom spoke up, “Spencer came by to give you a ride to the station. Isn’t that nice?”

Spencer smiled awkwardly as I nodded. 

“Oh, thanks. I’ll be ready in like 20 minutes,” I said as I hustled upstairs to get ready. 

As I ran upstairs, I overheard my mom saying how much she’d missed Spencer and how he should come by more often. 

Great.


End file.
